Thursday, March 12, 2009

Trying to let go

the Man found out this weekend that there is a free 3 year old school program at Bug's new school.
Immediately, he began researching for Boo.
Today, he goes to enroll my blue eyed baby boy.
There's a waiting list, so it's no guarantee.
But rather than having to prepare one child for school, I may have to prepare two.
Rather than having my heart wrenched open by one child entering the halls of academia and leaving the safety of our home this fall, I may have two.
Instead of weeping for my big boy whose four, I may have to cry for my three year old who thinks he's a big boy, but is still very much a baby.
This adventure may be fruitless. Boo may not be in school this fall.
But i find myself teary eyed at the thought of letting go of not one, but two little hands. Of turning them over to well meaning strangers to teach and care for.
I'm not ready.
Letting go of Bug will be hard enough. But he's ready and has been for a year. He'll be almost five when he starts pre-k because of his birth date.
Boo is still my baby. He still snuggles and sucks his thumb and carries around his ratty Pooh bear. He feels too little for school to be an issue yet.
But he wants to go.
He's excited to go.
And I can't hold him back for my own selfish needs.
But I'm not sure our umbilical cord will stretch quite that far.
So you'll probably find me flitting between two classroom windows like a deranged moth, plastering myself to the glass in the hopes of seeing my babies happy and learning and excited.
At least until someone calls security.
Or swats me with a flyswatter.

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