Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Where am I?

Somewhere in the midst of peeing on sticks, birth, breastfeeding, diapers, feeding, potty training, and parenting, I lost myself.
Before heathens, I would relax in bed and read a book for fun.
Now, I try to sleep. Do laundry. I try to catch up. I plan kid activities.
I work. I worry. I make appointments. I plan meals. I stress.
My life revolves around getting things done, and in the process, I've plowed right over the girl I used to be.
I wonder if, when life slows down and balances itself back nicely on the tightrope, she'll find me again. Maybe I didn't turn her into a smear on the asphalt--maybe she's just taking the scenic route.
Maybe she has time to stop and smell the flowers and listen to the birds and to breathe.
While I'm barrelling down the highway with three kids strapped into their seats and a DVD of Spongebob blaring in the background.
I miss me. I look into the mirror and I don't recognize the woman looking back at me. My kids call her mom. The Man says she's married to him. But she feels a species apart from the girl I used to be.

1 comment:

Hattie said...

Girl, I totally understand!!!! I've lost my old self somewhere along the mommy/wife road. I've been on a personal mission to get her back! Good luck on your journey!