Thursday, July 9, 2009

Last week

Last week, The Man was released from the care of his surgeon.
There was the happy cloud.
That just dumped a freaking monsoon on us.
According to Dr C, the pain will most likely just get worse over the course of The Man's lifetime. He said there's nothign surgically he can do. So we're now thrown into the world of pain meds and maintenance, and I'm looking into alternative therapies.
If I have to sit on his ass to have some little Chinese man put tiny needles in him to ease the pain, just call me blubber butt.
No, on second thought--don't.
Dr C recommendations, combined with another doctors, has made us wonder what the future will hold for us.
The work The Man has done all his life? He's not to do any longer. So we look at retraining. But to do what? We don't know. Because everything he's wanted to be when he grows up involves having two fully functional hands.
And no pain.
The concept of a lifetime of pain, most days severe, is enough to dampen anyone spirits.
Knowing there is nothing more to do to stop it is even worse.
As long as there was a possibility of improvement, their was hope. but we've now basically got a slim thread to hold onto to, which is tough to do with a badly damaged hand.
And some things, such as wearing a wedding ring, have taken on new significance.
He's always worn a wedding ring. Me? I have metal allergies, so I only wear it at work.
But now, because of the injury and the pain, he doesn't wear it any longer. He's still married, but I like to stamp my property as . . .well, my property. A wedding ring that the Man is terrified to remove did that quite nicely.
Holding hands? Not that we do it that often, except with a heathen, but it now requires me to be careful of how I hold it for fear of worsening the pain.
The hand is what it is. I know we could be worse off. A moment earlier and this blog would be about missing my husband and the father of my babies. Got it. And while the loss of some fingers is minor in comparison, it will be with us for eternity.
It will be in every picture from this moment on. It will be a reminder of the accident and of the pain that he lives with.
Playing ball with the boys will require adjustments to minimize The Man's discomfort.
Tossing Punk in the air means being more careful to catch her due to loss of hand strength and control and to not hit the damaged hand.
One moment of carelessness by another man has changed my family's life forever.
And, thanks to him, we can never go back to what we were before.

No comments: