Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Looking back

Every now an again, I enjoy looking back and waxing poetic.
Most people look back around the first of the year. Not me. That would be common and trite, both things I strive to avoid like the piggy pox.
So I'm looking back now.
As anyone in a five mile radius of me knows, this year has been a rough one.
I had my third baby, my Punkin' Butt, started a new job, watched my boys discover whole new worlds of dangerous and daring and demented play, and have lived with the damaged goods that is my husband.
I have euthanized my beloved Tequila (the dog, not the liquor), supported The Man through surgeries, lost jobs, and a boatload of smelly ten day old crap.
And I've found out that I'm a lot stronger than I ever realized.
Really! You don't believe me? okay. Here's proof.
I've stood at my husband's bedside right after the accident and made tacky hand jokes until he laughed so hard he cried. And I smiled while doing it, because that was what he needed.
I have watched him being wheeled into surgery four times and held firm that he was coming back to me an the heathens.
I have juggled three kids and work and appointments and care giving, albeit with a lot of help from my amazing Mama and smashing sister in law.
I have figured out how to pay bills when wages have been severely cut.
I have enrolled my oldest boy in school, loosening the apron strings just enough for him to take his first step into the real world.
I have cheered as my middle child potty trained, a task undertaken by The Man with determined vigor.
I have held little hands while Punk learned to walk and to run and to find freedom away from my arms.
I found a strength in myself that I'd only seen glimmers of before this last year.
I have learned about sacrifice and sanity and selflessness. I have also learned how to be selfish to maintain my sanity.
I have screamed and cried and raged, and I have went to the grocery store with red eyes because we were out of milk.
I have learned why "I Am Woman, Hear me Roar" is so true.
While i wouldn't relive this year for anything, I wouldn't trade it either.
Because it kicked my ass out of the last remnants of childhood and firmly into adulthood. And, while my ass hurts and my body is weary, I know that is where I am supposed to be.

No comments: