Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Potty training times two

Well, not only am I now faced with the daunting task of trying to finish potty training Bug, Boo has jumped on the porcelain throne and declared that he must "Potty, mommy."
So I now have two little boys to get out of diapers and pull-ups and into underwear.
I haven't spent this much time in the bathroom since I was pregnant and puking every five minutes just for grins and giggles. Oh, happy times.
Right now, I could almost wish for uncontrolled vomiting.
It's a competition. Who has to pee the most. So I'm trudging along, wondering if its a legit potty call or a deliberate ruse. Afraid to ignore it, tired of giving in.
And Punk's joining us in the potty, either nursing or just refusing to be put down and miss all the fun.
How many people does it take to potty train a child?
In our house, a village. I'm sending out invites to friends and family to come stand over the toilet with us as Boo strains and farts just to produce a few drops, much to his delight. And every time he drains his lizard, he gets so excited he loses all sense of purpose and we have to start from scratch again.
And Bug, the old pro who won't cross the finish line, has to perform acrobatics to remove the occasional soggy pull-up, involving throwing it in the trash with his foot while perched precariously on a stool and clutching a toilet lid. And heaven forbid he get distracted. That involves a mop and a very grumpy mom muttering all kinds of choice words and dire threats under her breath while congratulating him on a job well done.
Leads me to all kinds of jokes about men and there aim.
So if you're looking for a little fun, I'll shoot you an invite to stand around waiting on the plop plop sounds of success.

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