Monday, April 21, 2008

Now I Know What Love Is

I'm a fairly practical woman. I'm a fairly calm mother. (Well, mostly.)
But I'm still confused by why people choosing to live child free have such an issue with those of us who are not.
Specifically, a message board I went to had a thread about how ridiculous it was for a new mother to express that she now understands "what love is."
Motherhood is a life changing experience, for good, ill, and everything in between.
While I love my husband (most days), it is a mere flicker compared to the all encompassing passion I feel for my children.
The difference? My husband is a grown man, and, although I would lay down my life for him, he is capable of caring for himself.
I would run into a burning building get to my children. I understand why mothers can lift a car to free their babies. There is a visceral, tangible bond between a mother and child that defies all logic. It is a bond that was created before the mother even knows she is pregnant, and it will continue until the day the mother dies.
I will love my husband all of my life. I chose to marry him, to devote my life to him, and to make a family with him. Our choice.
Our children are gifts given to us. As such, we have the responsibility to love, nurture, and care for them above all else.
Many of the child free couples discuss how having a child destroys a marriage because the "mombie" does not place her husband and her marriage above her child's welfare.
Any marriage that cannot adapt and survive children wasn't much of a marriage to begin with, in my opinion.
A couple should expand to make room for a child while still holding onto their marriage. A marriage bed has to be able to include children--it has to grow and mature and change in order to survive.
Any marriage that does not grow will become stagnant and die.
With or without children.
I have looked at my babies, mud covered, teary eyed, and annoying, and realized exactly the depths that I would plummet to get to them. I would die for them without a second thought. So yes, becoming a mother did allow me to know exactly what love is.
It's selfless. It's painful. And it's worth every minute.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I love the way you write.
After I had my first, I truly understood what selfless love is.
re. your earlier post, it really is crazy to hate the young of your own species.I cant even understand why some people would say they hate children.