Saturday, February 16, 2008

Its over

No more baby making day for me. I had the Essure tubal sterilization done yesterday ( and in the next three months, my body will become unable to conceive a chid.
Its bittersweet. While I loathe being pregnant--and who wouldn't with non stop vomitting, strange sharp pains, and nerve damage caused by my last baby--I will miss the new baby phase.
Punk is my last. So every time she does something, it will be the last time I ever experience that joy as a mom. Or that headache.
There will no more new baby smells. No more small solid bundle curved up against my breast. No more first smiles, first steps, first words. No initial wonder at what my body as created and nurtured. When she's done them all, we're through.
But there also won't be any more leaking at the sound of a baby's cry, no more waking every three hours to see to another's needs. Aside from sickness, once she learns to sleep through the night, my next phase of sleeplessness will occur when my kids start dating, driving, and grow up.
So Punk and I are traveling this road together. The last time I will travel it. Eventually, she'll find her way to this road again, as a mother. And she'll have her own bittersweet realization when it reaches it end.

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