Tuesday, February 10, 2009

What's in a label?

Bug will be going for preschool testing next month.
I still haven't figured out what they are testing him for.
I don't think he'll be peeing in a cup or giving blood to check for disease. I doubt they'll care about his prowess as a spitter of far flung phlegm. I don't think they will be impressed by his amazing ability to repeat one word over and over at increasing decibels until even the cats scurry for cover, grabbing their kitty helmets as they flee.
I doubt they will test his bootay shaking ability, which, despite his tender years, is bordering on legendary, or his ability to deflect the blame for any mishap upon his younger brother. They probably will not test for his astounding appetite or ability to sing "House on Pooh Corner" 800 times in a row and never sing the same song twice.
I fear they will not test for a heart that is two sizes too big and full of joy and love for everyone, even a tree, a car, a stuffed animal, and occasionally his brother and sister.
I doubt they will test for a winning smile or ready hug, although the administrator make just get knocked on her rump by one of my boy's beefy bear hugs.
I'm sure they will check for such unimportant things as comprehension, problem solving, and such--things no four year old really needs. Hell, things his 33 year old mother rarely needs!
So I'm forced to wonder . . .what are they testing him for? And does it really matter? In the end, will these scores affect my child on the road to becoming a good, productive member of society, or are they just another tool to label something which cannot be labeled?
Okay, if the educational system must have their label, I'll give them one for my oldest boy.
Age: However old he wants to be
Name: None of your damned business
Identifying traits: His father's ears and mothers nose and a curved pinky toe that came from the mailman--I think!
Characteristics: Talking too much and occasionally with mouth full. Running at breakneck speed, falling over his feet, and attempting to break said neck. Having fantastic legs for wearing mom's high heels. Known for walking by, farting, and running. Will curl up in a lap and fall asleep without warning, suddenly weighing 400 pounds instead of 40. Will bring you a blanket because he's cold, then stand by and wait for the invitation to share. When asleep, mutters and talks and makes a sweet baby face that will melt the hardest of hearts. Does not take no for an answer."
I think that will at least scratch the surface of my boy.

No comments: