Friday, May 1, 2009

Three years

Babies shouldn't die.
That's just a simple fact.
They should live and grow old and bury our sorry asses when we finally shuffle off this mortal coil.
Sadly enough, babies do die, and for stupid, unknown reasons.
And they leave behind grieving, horror filled parents clinging to the last fragments of their child's life like a life vest.
Why some babies, and not others?
Every mother whose lost a child has asked herself, "Why my baby? Why not hers?"
And every woman faced with a grieving mother has asked, "Why her baby?"
We suffer and strain and fight to bring a precious life into this world, a candle lit from the inside by a new light, only to watch it snuffed out.
These babies, no matter how brief their time, have left us a legacy of love and life and laughter, as well as one of tears and sorrow and pain.
They have given us gifts beyond measure.
I am lucky enough to know a survivor, a mother, a woman who walks this path on a daily basis.
Her beautiful baby, Hayden, was born on the same day as my Boo baby.
And he left us two months later.
Well, his body left us.
Boobs has since had an ornery little girl, Miss Addatude, who I'm sure has a big brother whispering in her ear daily, sharing adventures and experiences.
Sharing their mama's love.

I like to think that some days, as Boo is running around like Charlie Chaplin on crack, he has a playmate who shares his birthday and who can tell him how amazing it is to live in the stars. Who can tell Boo all about his PeePaw and all about the adventures angels have.
I'm sure Hayden is a fantastic invisible friend.
And I know, some nights, when his mom misses him more that she can bear, Hayden curls up with her in bed, running his fingers along her face and through her hair, and tells her not to cry. He's there. He's always there.
I'm sure Hayden is an amazing angel. And I'm sure, if we let ourselves, we can feel him. Perhaps only as a soft touch on our cheeks or a whisper of wind that smells like him. Or maybe just a a briefe instant of happiness.
That is Hayden's legacy to us all.


Amanda said...

That was beautiful Mayo - brought tears to my eyes.

We love you Boobs!

Shelly said...


Tara said...

So beautifully written and yes Boobs - we do love you. A huge hug to you sweetie.

Mary Beth said...

Well said! Our hearts go our to you Boobs! Hayden is watching and wishing you well from above, I am sure of it!