Tuesday, February 1, 2011


Help me.
I'm trapped.
I can't escape.
And they are watching me.
Help me . . .please!

I am entombed in my house thanks to a b*tch of a snow storm that just won't blow and go.
And I'm trapped with my three children and a husband, all of whom are bored, all of whom are driving me to the point of climbing in a car and risking the roads.
So far at least 12 inches of snow, and they are not the man inches, if ya know what I mean.
I have gotten out and walked around my house, up to my derriere, just to escape.
Add to that PMS that just won't quit and something's gotta give.
I'm thinking about throwing all of them in a snow bank and locking the doors.
I'm considering burying myself in a snow bank and taking a nap.
I love my kids. The Man . . . let me get back to you on that one.
But I'm channeling my inner Bette Midler in a "From a Distance" moment.
From a distance, you don't look like you have snot running down your lip.
From a distance, I can't hear you shrieking in range at your brother.
From a distance, my world is peaceful and no one is about to get thumped.
Unfortunately, thanks to a p*ssed off Mother Nature, I can't get any distance and I'm seeing it all up close, personal, and its ugly.
I'm gonna figure out how to make some snowshoes out of something and I'm outta here.

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