Sunday, January 2, 2011


I am thirty five years old.
I have been married for fifteen years.
I have three living children and one angel.
I have a job, friends, a home, and a life.
And I came to the realization I don't recognize myself in any part of it.
And while I'm not read to chunk it all like Julia Roberts in "Eat Pray Love," I do know I need to seek that portion of me that is simply . . .me.
I get up every day and parent children, go to work come home, cook, bath, bedtime, and barely have five minutes of my own to breathe.
There are some days I cannot stand the slightest sound whispered by my offspring.
There are days when I can't bear to be apart from them.
There are good days in my marriage where The Man doesn't drive me bonkers with stupid questions and inane chatter.
There are days when his very next breath may be the one that makes me snap, that makes me walk away from a life I participated in making.
I live for others, not for myself.
And while I'm not singing the praises of a selfish life, I find that I've fallen into the trap so many women do.
I am for everyone else. I live for everyone else.
And not for me.
I am mother, wife, employee, daughter, friend.
But no where on my list do I clearly state, "I am me."
No where one my list do I have myself penciled in.
I am simply . . .nowhere . . in my own life.
So for 2011 I'm taking back me.
I'm going to be a little selfish.
I'm going to be a little greedy.
I'm going to take at least five minutes to myself no matter who I have to take it from, because I am no good to anyone if I'm not actively living as me.
I have given up myself for others benefit, and now I'm serving notice that I'm taking a small portion of me back.
I don't know how it will work or what the repercussions will be, but I know it won't be pretty.
But I do know I don't want to wake up another morning and not know the woman looking back at me.
So for 2001, my resolution is to be a little more greedy. I will expect more of my family while giving slightly less. I will ignore my husband at times in order to focus on me. And I will remove myself from my children s clinging hands in order to fully breathe in life.
Because only then can I return to them more fully committed to our life.

1 comment:

Tara said...

I said something similar to my husband the other day - I'm sick of catering to everyone else so starting immediately, I'm getting selfish. Technically started before the new year. For me - it is one hour every day that is MY time. NO kid. NO husband. Just ME. Ya don't have to like it but you will respect it.